How's the piggy pig in 20 easy steps

How's the piggy pig in 20 easy steps?
Funny lyrics - Various funny lyrics
Buy Piglet.
Drink one brandy.
Put the pig in the oven.
Drink two more brunches.
Place the cages on the 375 oven.
Drink another 3 glasses of brandy.
Turn on the oven.
Bring up 4 more casinos.
Transfer the decoration.
Raise another bottle.
Put a pig on the pig.
Casite yet, pour brandy one.
Bake brandy for another 4 hours.
Remove the oven from the pig.
Cool to pray.
Get the brandy more bottle one.
Fill the seeds.
Stole for service.
I can get rich.
Pleasant !!!

How live programmers

How live programmersFunny lyrics - Various funny lyricsI am interested in how experienced developers live, I think what kind of life they have, because I could deal with it ... I do not know, if a man does not have time to work for himself, friends and family then it's better not to be a programmer, ... maybe I'm wrong, maybe there are programmers who manage both, if they have them, they would like to come in and report their lifetime prices.
- Life price?Here, I'm typing to survive for 12 years and I can tell you that I am completely satisfied. It's been a lot of work, but that's why every day between 19:30 and 20:00 I can choose not to watch the diary, but to declare that time free! On Sunday I can even leave the job 2 hours earlier, at 22:00.True, my left eye is 60% weaker than normal, but so I do not see anything on the right, so I'm taking this left to me quite well. Kicma has distorted me and I suffer from severe pains at night, but one of my acquaintances, a non-programmer, had a car accident, it can only be removed by the skin, so that again I can see that there are people who are worse than me.I was married (and disassembled) 3 times, I met all three through the chat, with the third time I saw on the wedding day. Overall, I spent 47 days in a marriage, and I almost paid my third wife, so there is nothing to complain about.Sometimes I can arrange a blind date, but it often turns out that my 170 pounds are a problem - not because it does not appeal to ladies, but because most of them do not manage to go through the door of the birch where the connection is agreed.On two occasions, I tried to do sports, but it turned out that neither white nor "man do not get angry" did not lie, so I raised my hands from it.As far as my friends are concerned, I had enough of them while I was working on a program for printing ZET cards, so I shared the whiskey. Now, everyone has gotten somewhere, they will have a lot of work to do.At work I have free coffee (sugar I have to bring my own), and 2-3 times a year old boss is confused and then he will bring us a bottle of coca-cola. The salary, which is three times bigger than the Croatian average, I get 4 times more than the same average, so it would probably be the only field on which I can not really boast. Let it be a lot hard for many ...I hope I managed to break your prejudices about the developers.

what is your experience

Eh ... what's your experience ...Funny lyrics - Various funny lyricsWhen I was 13, I was hoping that one day I would have a girlfriend.
At age 16 I had a girlfriend, but she had no passion, so I concluded thatI need a passionate girl with a life impulse.
During the studies, I was having fun with a passionate girl, but she wastoo emotional.Everything was a problem, she was the queen of the drama, she cried all the timethreatened with suicide.Then I concluded that I need a girl with a stable personality.
At 23 I found a very stable girl, but she was boring.She was completely predictable and she never got excited about anything.Life has become so boring that I have concluded that I need a littlemore exciting girl.
At age 27 I found an exciting girl, but I could not keep up with itwith her.She ran from one thing to the other, never staying anywhere, she didIt's crazy sudden things and made me as bad as happy.Initially she was fun and very energetic, but she did not have any direction.So I decided to find a girl with clear goals.
When I turned 31, I found a smart, ambitious girl, who isI stood firm on the ground and I marred her.She was so ambitious that she broke away from me and took everything I was doinghad.


Now I'm a little older and much wiser and I'm only looking for a girl with a big one.

Top 10 ingenious wisdom made in USA

Top 10 ingenious wisdom made in USAFunny lyrics - Various funny lyrics1. "I would not want to live eternally, because we should not live eternally, because we need to live eternally, we would live eternally, but we can not live eternally, and therefore I would not want to live forever."(Miss Alabame at the Miss America Competition in 1994 answers the question of the possibility of eternal life.)
2. "Whenever I see those poor starving kids on television, I simply cry. I mean, I'd like to be so skinny, but without those fierce flies, deaths and things like that."(Mariah Carrey)
3. "Research has shown that chocolate in the brain produces reactions similar to those caused by marijuana. The researchers also demonstrated some similarities, but they can not be recalled right now."(journalist Mat Lauer in NBC Today Show)
4. "I did not commit any crime. I just failed to comply with the law."(David Dinkins, a New York City councilor, at a discussion on tax evasion)
5. "Smoking kills. If it kills you, you lose a significant part of your life."(Brooke Shields, during an engagement engagement for a spokesman for the anti-smoking campaign at the national level)
6. "We will turn this team 360 degrees."(Jason Kidd, when crossing to Dallas Mavrickse)
7. "We will not be pushed by some journalists through the documents. We are the president.(Hillary Clinton)
8. "China is a large country inhabited by a large number of Chinese."(guest star Charles De Gaule, former French President)
9. "If we exclude murders, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."(Marion Barry, Mayor of Washington)
10. "It does not cause contamination to our environment. Injuries in the air and leads to it."(Dan Quayle, former US vice president)

Dear muse

Dear muse,I'm sending you this letter in a fake envelope from a computer company to make sure you read it. Please forgive me for this fraud, but I thought you should know what was happening in the house for the last two years since you bought this computer. The kids are fine. Mark was 7 and drew a portrait of the whole family. So he would be proud of him just to see how he drew you. The chair and the top of your head look very realistic from afar. May filled this September. She's still happy that you spent her birthday with us. She says that it was her best day, although she was falling down and there was no electricity. I'm also good. I was painted blue last year. My boss takes care of my career and has become a very good family friend. When I noticed that you did not mind sucking around your chair, I saw that keeping the house became much easier. The house looks good. I'm not sure you noticed that I painted the walls last spring. Well, my dear, I have to go packing. My boss leads us to skiing. I hired a cleaner to take care of you and the house while we're gone. You'll get your coffee, you'll get a table dish, just as you like. I hope that you and your computer will spend nice time together until we have it.Marko, Maja and I often think of you.Try to remember us while you restart a computer.
With love, your wife

Did you know that

Did you know that ...?Funny lyrics - Various funny lyrics
... is roughly 10% of the land surface permanently covered with ice?
... is the stain on the cow unique as the fingerprint or snowflake - there are no two cows with the same form of flea?
... the cartoons of Pae Duck were banned in Finland because he does not wear pants?
... can you play the first 4 chess moves in 318,979,564,000 ways?
... is Venus the only planet rotating clockwise?
... is the sea crayfish scampi's heart in the head?
... Charlie Chaplin once won the third prize in the competition for his double.
... Ginis's Book of Records holds the record as the most commonly stolen book from a bookstore?
... an average of 100 people a year die from choking with pens?
... one library in Indiana is about 2 centimeters a year because statists did not account for the weight of all books?
... an electric chair was invented by a dentist?
... on the planet Earth has so much gold to cover its whole in a layer of one meter?
... the crocodiles can not get their tongue out?
... the priests in ancient Egypt pulled all the hair out of their bodies, including eyebrows and eyelashes?
... is the Boeing 747 longer than the first year of the famous Wright brothers?
... are babies born without knees in their knees, only occurring during the second to sixth month of life?
Would a Barbie be in the natural size would be 2.18 high and had 99-46-84 measures?
... every time you polish a postage stamp, bring in a tenth of your calorie?
... Eskimos have over 15 words for our word "snow"?
... it's impossible to lick my elbow?
... intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair?
... are rats breeding so fast that 2 rats in 18 months can get over a million descendants?
... if you were wearing headphones for only 1 hour, would you increase the number of bacteria in your ear 700 times?
... about 50% of people in the world never made a phone call?
... duck hatching does not make echo, but nobody knows why?
... it's impossible to blush open eyes?
... when multiplying 111.111.111 x 111.111.111 is 12.345.678.987.654.321 obtained?
... are the elephants the only animals that can not jump?
... cock can live up to 9 days without a head before he dies of starvation?
... is the average person laughing 15 times a day?
... Miguel Servantes and William Shakespeare, who are considered the largest writers in their countries, died the same day - April 23, 1616?
... mosquitoes have teeth?
... a fish that lives below 800 meters below the sea surface has no eyes?
... is hydrogen flammable gas, oxygen supports combustion, but combined make up water used to extinguish a fire?
... is peanuts one of the ingredients of dynamite?
... are our eyes from birth always of the same dimensions but that the nose and ears do not stop growing?
... not a single piece of square, dry paper can be bent at half more than 8 times?
... is fishing the most common sport in the world?
... are the people who are most likely to be robbed of bank robberies?
... the average man loses 200 hair per day on a daily basis?
... the can opener was found 48 years after the cans were introduced?
... Since the year 1815, 210 international wars have been waged?
... half of the human population earns about 5% of the world's wealth?
... there were only 100 TVs in the world in 1926?
... 3 quarters of the caught fish are used for food, and the rest is for the production of soap, glue, margarine or fertilizer?
... in man, the length of the wrist to the elbow is equal to the length of the foot?
... Mexico City tones about 25 centimeters a year?
... if the worm of a pancake goes to eat if he does not find other food?
... is the democracy system introduced about 2,500 years ago in Greece in Athens?
... it's impossible to blush open eyes?
... for a kilogram of honey bees have to visit 4 million flowers and cross the path 4 times longer than the earth's circumference?
... sound travels 3 times faster through the water than through the air?
... is Madrid the only capital city in Europe that is not stationed on the river?
... is football the world's most watched sport?
... is the watermelon of vegetables and the tomato fruit?
... is the amount of time people spend on a journey 1.1 hours a day?
... Does the heart average 101,000 times a day?
... is the sum of the numbers on the opposite side of the cage for the jamb is always 7?
... is the longest war, the so-called 100-year war, between Britain and France in fact lasted 116 years and ended in 1453?
... over the past 40 years, the food industry has had a faster development than the development of the human population?
... the man in his mouth daily produces 1 liter of saliva?
... since 1495, there was not a single 25-year period without a war?
... sharks never get sick, because they are immune to all known types of illness?
... on Uranus summer and winter last for 21 years?
... a gin poppy has the biggest eyes in the world, and their diameter is about 40 centimeters?
... are the chances of being born on the 29th of February of the year of the fatal year 1 to 1461?
... versus the phrase "sweating like a pig", pigs in fact can not sweat?

... is the Vatican the smallest country in the world with an area of ​​0.44 square kilometers?
... the human head contains 22 bones?
... on average, a person breathes 23,000 times a day?
... the Sahara desert spreads for 1 kilometer a month?
... in the State of Utah, the birds have a priority passage on all highways?
... cats do not feel the sweet taste?
... On average, a person speaks almost 5,000 words a day, but 80% of them speak with him?
... on the American flag stands 13 railroads as the symbol of the 13 original states?
... is over 70% of the Earth's land surface devastated?
... are there more than one billion transistors in the world every second?
... every bird must eat food at least half of its mass every day to revive it?
... in ancient China, the bandits who attacked passengers cut off their noses?
... the sound travels fastest through solid objects, then through water, and slowest through the air?
... some Eskimos use refrigerators to prevent total freezing of food?
... is the night's eye bigger than his brain?
... are the chances of someone hitting a thunder 600,000 to 1?
... the ships that rode the oars first used the Sumerians 3.500 years BC?
... the human heart makes so much pressure in the body as the pump pumps out a stream of blood over 9 meters?
... over the past 150 years, the average height of people in industrialized countries has grown by 10 centimeters?
... is the hydrogen gas of the substance with the lowest density in the world?
... iceberg or ice cube feeds only 10% above the water surface?
... is the sun 330,330 times greater than the earth?
... about 27% of food is dumped in developed countries each year?
... if the amount of water in the human body is reduced by only 1% - man feels thirsty?
... are the Sumerians invented the manuscript of the 4th century BC?
... is zero gravity in the center of the planet?
... a man can spend about a month without food, but only about a week without water?
... the term "soda water" dates from 1798?
... it takes about seven years for a lobster to grow and get a mass of 500 grams?
... is the Roman Emperor Kaligula declared his horse for Senator during his reign?
... is the cow possible to run along the stairs, but not down the stairs?
... at 60 degrees of latitude, can you sail the whole world?
... butterflies feel the taste through their legs?
... is the only bone that is not related to another bone located in your throat?
... an average person in his life drank about 75,000 liters of water?
... noon means the moment when the local meridian is closest to the sun?
... the flea can skip a distance of 350 times the length of its body, as if a man jumped 600 meters away?
... the winds blowing toward the equator sweep west?
... because of earth's gravity, it is impossible for the mountains to reach a height greater than 15,000 meters?
... fish cat has over 27,000 sense sensors?
.. is the United Nations organization founded in 1945?
... is the tongue the strongest muscle in the human body?
... in the world, almost 1.2 billion people are malnourished, and the same number of obese people?
... Count Alessandro Volta invented the first battery in the 18th century?
... is the current number of living people on earth greater than the number of all deceased people who have ever lived on earth?
... sea stars do not have brains?
... is the volume of water increased by about 9% after freezing?
... is the total mass of all ants in the world greater than the total mass of the human population?
... each drop of sea water contains about 1 billion gold atoms?
... is the lower jaw the strongest bone in the human body?
... hot water freezes faster than cold water?
... is the longest bone in the human body?
... during total solar eclipse, the temperature on the Earth is about 6 degrees Celsius?
... can a rat stand without water more than a camel?
... one carrot contains over 200% of the recommended daily dose of vitamin A?
... the human stomach must produce a new layer of mucus once in two weeks so as not to puncture itself?
... 84% of apple makes water?
... the cat can not move its fork to the side?
... the notch made on the bark of the tree always stays at the same distance from the soil, although the tree is constantly growing?
... a 500 kilo horse per year eat food whose mass is about 7 times greater than its mass?

 

Wedding in 101 ways

Wedding in 101 waysFunny lyrics - Various funny lyricsORIGINAL STORYWedding in Banat ... Jul is given to Montenegrin. A big table in the yard, at the table a lot of guests. On one side of the table are all Montenegrins, there are one twenty with another 40 kg of orders. All this was abruptly towards the table of weight. On the other side of the table sat Lala, beautiful and fat. An antiquity arises, adheres to the rod and begins its speech:- "This Julia has the honor to enter this kind of famous family." Blazo is the son of a fallen fighter, a national hero whose grandfather raspeverivao Turke on a bulge near Mojkovac. And his cousin, from Baja Stricevic, his grandson, his grandfather his grandmother broke out Medjedovic because their tribe was ready for everything. And his aunt, that Miljana, the son of Drago, who was given a "Uncle Milic's" on Durmitor, is to fuck his father's treacherous, cut a kano tikvu, and nu, your Jula she should be happy to go into this famous family, so I say ... "
CRNOGORSKA VERSION- "And it was your wedding in Banat, that it was not anywhere else! Our Blessed One came to live with his niece in July. And our Blazo is your Highness, Lenin, his father's national hero, fighter since April 1945. When we sat down on the table, from our side, all the fox to the falcon, if we were to collect, we would not count the Turks and the dead Italians, so that the father of the father was counted! And Micun, his uncle, who kept the speech, would not even better Njegoš 'E, but Medjedovici, and their tribe, which is issued by Uncle Milica, but let's not talk about it now! My dear, and all the ordination put it, so shine, to the reflectors to turn on.And it's right for you, jade, that it can not be straight! ' And nu, and Julian's father holds a "short speech, but the river" is that Julia is a fair girl, if everyone who had been with her was satisfied! Well, it should be, when it enters into such a famous and honest Montenegrin family! Cheers! "
LALINSKA VERSION- "I have to scold you, you fuck him, now that it's all over, that we have somehow got married to Julia!" If she found someone like ours, she did not! "She found some rich man, he did not!" "Fuck him! You can fuck him, you are undernourished! Jula can put him under the mouse! And your family came to him, almost all of you, I can bite you, but you put them all on the cantor, you would be as hard as the godfather Pera and his Juca! Someone's iron, they say, ordered them, you fuck them, they all bent down to the ground, but they do not take off! But the son-in-law, there are not three hundred pounds with a bed! "We'll put it to it! Our Julia, cooking and legs, I have to scold you, or I misunderstood that, and I would not want them to love to be bothered! And they broke up with someone, you fuck him, bears, three hundred years ago! And they have some grandmother, anyway, which wake up with a sabbath! And now they praise that she, in May, cut off some head! "But I did not realize that she went to jail, a strange people to fuck him!"
HUNGARY VERSION- "I was my Radmila for you at the wedding of Lily's daughter Jula, what made me cry of happiness!" My Janos cried out the most! "He says he will not teach you any more with Julie!" "You have been learning a lot of time together! I'm just kidding you, my Radmila, you just tug the skirt, they're just avoiding the beaners! But the groom, my Radmila, you can not hold it in bed for five minutes! I can break it with one hand! there's some officer, there's a nice sword and you have a lot to do! It's already agreed that we are going to the Danube Quay! Joj Radmila, seretlek! "
BOSNIA VERSION- "Joj, jarane, I was on a good donkey, Mesa as a tree, It was a herb, but you can not drink goggles." "A grief of law!" He brought out a wine man, and the Montenegrins brought home vines. The vines are good, but they can serve that little bit of the sea.When they talked, my mothers, who I was watching Dekno ... I just fucked up and cut off the beer and now my head is breaking up. I know that wine and beer are not going to go, al, fucking, zuzana butterfly..Aaaa ... Did not I tell you ... but she cheated Jula married for the Montenegrins, and he ... who was tossed out by the flood, his mother we! "
BELGRADE "ARGO" VERSION- "E, fuck you, what was the party with Mother roommate Jules! I did not spend better, long time, fuck you!" She married, fuck you, for some Montenigger, son, and he was a meter high , Lenin is for him Hakim Olajdzuvon! Then everyone came with some iron on the jackets, I said that I was a little girl in front of a gesture! When they went down to the table, they fucked you, it's shaken like an earthquake, they're eating me sand! And then the old Montenigger began to shout, they roared the Turks, they fucked you! Well, they hate them to raise their hand, and they'll fuck the Turks here! They are kale of Germans and Italians, maybe son, but in a race on the tablemeters in begging! You see, in the end, you were fucked, when Julin old man fucked them! You know, Jules is a radha, she used to cling to every guy, fucking you, tell him everything when you said a razor! And what's wrong? It lives once, even though they are screaming that heavenly life is eternal! And was there someone from a postcard? It's not! Did you send a package? It's not! We have to live here, son, and they must be kept up! The fish hurt me! "

PIROCAN-LOW-VRANJSKA VERSION- "There was a wedding in Banat, where I went to the swastika to sleep, as soon as I did not pay anything. I took the drink I received from Dr. Nestorovic, immediately so that I did not give any money to the dengue, Ama, kissing !!! AMA, KIčENJE, LJUDIIIIII! I do not know how to do it, I'm not sure how to get it. I'm sitting on the table, music on the edge, I'm going to give a dinar! This harmonic looks at me like a poor bacon! What did I hide from it? Nothing! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I do not know what to do with it. "But they have made me understand with their traditions!" Many breasts of the Severnas are sprawling! When the young aphids come in, the young ones cry, LELEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, you just give money! and a hundred dinars, I will not recover for five years! And, the groom, to fuck, I do not know! Mrsavoooooo, bre! Whoever wounds it, I do not know! And, young, beautiful, has something to hug! And cook, bre! When I returned to Pirot, I did not wake me! They bought the railroad, in fucking 'you, I'm a fool! Who will return to Pirot with the metro? I'll think the next time I'm going! "
CROATIAN VERSION"Listen, old man, you were in a bad Banat! This is your Croatian Vojvodina, no? What are you looking at me like that? You do not know the history? It is still Archduke Karlo, he was a resident totally undesirable on this forum solely because of the origin What did you do, still a thousand two hundred fifty-five years old, signed in Zagreb a decree that Vojvodina is a Croatian country! And it was terribly nice to me, for not believing, my old man! And you know what? Julina is your mother Croatian! I was talking to you! She was so beautiful, she was wearing a red dress and white blouse, beautiful, like a chessboard, you bok! And a woman, I have to tell you this! He is not high, a hundred percent of the population is totally undesirable on this forum exclusively because of their origin! Montenegrins are mountain Croats! What do you do not get rid of? You bokca, so Boka Kotorska, it was your Lady of the Gypsy hundred years ago! Is it, you do not know about the Parliament vu Ninu, a thousand eight hundred and ninety-five years old? You do not know nothing! Oh, and music is on the run! playing old city songs! All old Zagreb, my old, all old Zagreb! Cetir'konja fat, clear all the way to Zagreb! Last night when the night fell, a girl went to Kiseljak! Eight tambourines from the old Maksimir! And I have something else to say, my old man! Sandžak is Croatian! Undoubtedly !!! "
NATO VERSION- "After the successful negotiations between Mr. Ace and Mr. Naruto, Micun, the following was agreed:Within the next 96 hours, NATO will not seize any pigs from the pits!NATO sends observers to the bedroom of Mrs. Jules and Mr. Blaze!This will not jeopardize the successful sexual life of the two, except that they will fly into the room every night - the sparrow! He will, of course, be unarmed!If the brides oman, observers can mix, but only one by one! Not everyone at once!The bedroom of Blaze and Jules does not lose anything, on the contrary, it is in the Montenegrin interest, because Blazo is a little disconcerted!Interference from the last Julian side will be considered a provocation!Do not be smart, it will be shit!If the Blessing is exaggerated, and Jula remains in a different state, then:Mr. Wesley Clark accepts to be a godfather!If she is a woman, she will be called NATO, if she is a man, Nathan will be called!In all other variants, Dekna will be called!This agreement is in the spirit of the earlier Aca-Micun conversation, and it is made in four copies! If the host does not abide by the Agreement, point 7 is the same, and that part is behind the score! "
PIANO VERSION- "Aaaaaaaaaaa ... Hurts my head ..... I fuck you, Zivagovnovic .... I barked, so I turned off ... And the young woman is ... too fat ... and the groom is dry as a ham. ..And I did not get out of the way ... I'm fucking wet country ... WHAT DO YOU LOOK AT THE DARK? !! IDI TO THE PIZDU MATERINE !!! ... I was writing?!. .. I did not?! ... I fuckin 'your music! ... Let me kill another beer ... Where is the table, mother cuddles ... WHAT GROAT ?! WHAT GROAT ?! , fuck you !! ... Where did I go? "